By: Latoya Hammond
Have you ever felt like the person or persons who hurt you; walked out on you; played you; betrayed you, ect., are somehow doing better than you? Then, girl I GOTT U!
The Bible says, “do not be deceived by the ways of the enemy.” In other words, it is smoke and mirrors. It may seem like they are getting over. They may have gotten the promotion over you. They say they are doing well without you and doing things they’ve never done before. Their life is great! Meanwhile, you look at yourself and feel as though your life is at a standstill. Ever since the day you experienced the hurt, your life has not changed for the better.
This is where we must be careful of the “C” word . . . Comparison! Comparison is the thief of joy! Comparison doesn’t allow you to see where you are and how far you’ve come in spite of being hurt! It is not all about what’s on the surface or what can be seen. You have to really take your focus off of them to see where you are and what you have accomplished! Because trust me, you’re only seeing their highlight reel. You look on social media or, perhaps, experience daily life with them in some way. You see they are happy with someone else or got a new job - maybe even the one you wanted. They are going to places you’ve always wanted to go, or simply living their best life. So, it may SEEM they are doing great but it’s smoke and mirrors!
As Believers, we are commanded to not return the hurt; treat someone badly; mistreat people and think God is going to not deal with you. You have to remind yourself that, “I’m a child of the Most High God and He for sure has my back! So, just because on the outside it looks like they’re doing great, doesn’t mean all areas of their lives are going well! God loves them, believes in them, and will not allow them to just do wrong without dealing with them the only way that He can. In His love! We do not wish or hope for punishment or harm to come to them because we have to keep our hearts and motives pure. We don’t want to become consumed with negative thoughts toward someone else. That totally shifts our focus from ourselves to them and you have to see yourself as the priority. Your focus is your healing, your purpose, your success!
What prompted this post was this idea that I am not okay. My husband walked away from me and, yes, hurt me to my core, yet he seems to somehow be doing better than me. For example, at the time of my separation I was coming into my own. I launched a blog; had speaking engagements lined up. I was writing, creating, doing it!! And it seemed like overnight it all changed! I was changed. I found myself having to find a new home for my children and I; figuring out my finances, processing my feelings; and being there emotionally for my children. I was doing all of this while homeschooling and working a full time job from home. Meanwhile, he was going about his life and his plans right before my very eyes.
It looked like he was doing well and he even told me he has clarity and focus and is able to do things he wasn’t able to do before and be himself. Meanwhile, I was feeling like I’m just trying to figure this all out! Who am I now? There are days when I felt like I didn’t t even know who I was anymore! I lost my drive to focus on this blog and to post because life is very different now! One morning I woke up feeling like he is doing better without me. I was overcome with a feeling of failure because he is out there living life and I allowed my blog to be on pause and my creativity to fade. I felt that I let myself down. But God woke me up one morning and said, “Oh, not so! You are right where I want you! You are trusting Me and I got you! Take your eyes off of him and put them on Me! It’s not what it looks like! Baby trust me you are winning!!!”
Now, after 7 months, from time-to-time I have to remind myself that I AM amazing and I’m doing it!! It being, managing life well with all its twists and turns; healing; growing; living; and loving me in spite of! Yes, there are days that you will hurt because we are human. But I promise you, if you trust God’s process; practice self-awareness; self-examination (not for issues but, for how you’re succeeding in the day-to- day); and, most importantly, love yourself, you will not continue hurting!! Being hurt, betrayed, deceived, rejected, etc., hurts! No doubt about it, but you don’t have to keep hurting! There is a difference between being hurt and hurting! The choices you make after you’ve been hurt will determine if you will continue hurting!
KNOW THIS: Trusting God’s process of self-awareness, self-reflection and loving yourself are key!